Thank gawd. Finally, it’s over. Demi Vollering wins the yellow jersey, and the 2023 Tour de France Femmes is done. The last eight days have been the longest of my life, watching this race.
See, Uncle Matt has stuff to do: other articles, reviews, deep dives and super-important think pieces. I can’t be expected to be glued to the TV every morning watching all this dramatic racing. It’s not fair to me, or cycling fans who have other things to do. We can’t be expected to put aside all of our other things to do to watch every single minute of this race. It’s much easier to just check out the results and highlight reel sometimes. But no. This is not possible with the Tour de France Femmes.
1. Way too many nail-biting finishes
OK, I can only yell so much. My throat is still sore from screaming at my computer for some of these stages. Stage 6 was a prime example. Emma Norsgaard, why do you do this to me? When you, Agnieszka Skalniak-Sójka with Sandra Alonso were away, I was rooting for your break to survive. But then it was clear you’d all be caught. Alonso got dropped, and then it was just you and Skalniak-Sójka with 15 seconds at the 2 km to go banner. Game over, right?
Nope! Skalniak-Sójka got caught and you took an amazing win, holding off the field. Why do you do this to me?
Emma Norsgaard earns Movistar its second 2023 TdF Femmes triumph
Same goes for Stage 3. Julie Van de Velde (Fenix-Deceuninck) was juuuuust ahead of the charging field. She had ten seconds on the charging field. The Belgian got caught with 200 m to go, and Lorena Wiebes took the win. All these guys keep telling me on Twitter that women’s races are boring. Why can’t the races at the TdFF be a little more dull? Is that so much to ask?
2. Those unpredictable mountain stages
Don’t even get me started about this. When a solo rider is away at one of the most famous ascents in cycling history, they get caught. When the chase group is only 7 seconds away, they are supposed to crack and then limp to the line. Did Kasia Niewiadoma not get the memo? When you’re about to be caught, you don’t speed up! And you certainly don’t ride yourself into the mountains jersey and a podium spot.
Demi Vollering conquers Tourmalet to take control of Tour de France Femmes
By the way, ASO, I get that you dig drama, but the FX are a bit much. I have no idea how you managed to schlep a fog machine onto a mountain, but your little attempt to make an already dramatic stage even more…
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