Notes From the Bastogne Desk

Liège-Bastogne-Liège is such an unfair race, at least in the name. Think of all the races named after places: Paris-Tours, Milano-Sanremo and the like — everyone in the title either gets to host the pre-race mingling session, a big crowd-pleaser, or the end of the race action. Does any city whose name appears in a race name get the shaft as bad as Bastogne? I think probably not.

Think I am exaggerating? OK, well you probably know that LBL is an ASO race. If you have looked at the Tour de France website, you probably know that for each stage the site features the start and finishing towns. So how do they handle LBL? Look at this bullshit:

Don’t go clicking for the hidden Bastogne page. It’s not there, I promise you.

Probably the reason Bastogne gets the cold shoulder is that it’s a city of 16,000 inhabitants, making it the fourth-largest municipality in the Province of Luxembourg (Belgium, not the country, but you are right to feel confused). Bastogne’s population is below that of such economic and cultural powerhouses as Aubange and Marche-en-Famenne.

Ha ha… but really, until the Germans blew up the rail lines in WWI, Bastogne was something of an economic hub, and has probably more historical relevance than about 10 US states put together (don’t make me name them). It existed in pre-Roman times, was a walled city in the 14th-17th centuries back when that was a pretty huge deal, and has a cultural identity that persists. Unfortunately, the symbol of that cultural relevance is the Piche-Cacaye, an utterly terrifying giant smiling baby mask-wearing adult, or troupe of adults, who will inhabit your nightmares from this point forward, or maybe knock off a bank.

There’s a long history of the Piche-Cacaye, whose origin is unknown but whose name was invoked during the torture of Jacque-de-Mollays, Grand Master of the Templars, who admitted to be the leader of the Society of Piche Cacayes. Middle Ages intrigue. They are assigned strange music and deeds, the town elders apparently tell lots of mythical stories about them, and if you really want you can hear their song below:

Is that a lot to go on? I dunno, for a small city, sure. I grew up in a town of similar size and all we had to distinguish ourselves from our neighborhoods was a…