Ah, the Stat Bragger, that elusive character in the world of cycling who just can’t resist the urge to turn every ride into a data-driven drama. You’ve probably encountered them on your favorite cycling routes or at the local coffee shop, still wearing their sweat-soaked kit and that smug grin of superiority. Or maybe you see them posting their data on Instagram. They are the kind of person that would post their FTP on a bumper sticker if it were socially acceptable.
You see, the Stat Bragger is a breed apart. They’re the ones who’ve transformed a normal training ride into a competitive laboratory experiment. It starts innocently enough, with a casual inquiry about their ride.
You: “Hey, how was your ride today?”
And that’s when it happens. The Stat Bragger’s eyes light up, and they dive headfirst into a sea of numbers and acronyms that might as well be hieroglyphics.
Stat Bragger: “Oh, it was fantastic! I averaged XYZ watts, held a 20-minute FTP test, and snagged three Strava KOMs.”
You nod, desperately trying to comprehend what just happened, while secretly wondering if you should’ve brought a notebook and pen to this conversation. But it’s not over. The Stat Bragger has more in store.
Stat Bragger: “And let’s not forget my cadence. I stayed between 90 and 100 RPM like a total pro, all while maintaining a super optimal aero position!”
At this point, you’re contemplating whether you’ve entered the Twilight Zone of cycling. What started as a simple question has become a marathon of data points and achievements. You begin to question your own cycling existence.
You: (internally) “Am I even a cyclist if I don’t have a power meter, Strava, or a personal cycling statistician?”
But deep down, you know the truth. Cycling is about the wind in your hair, the thrill of the descent, and the freedom of the open road. It’s not about turning every ride into a competitive data dump.
So the next time you encounter a Stat Bragger, just smile and nod, acknowledging their dedication to the numbers. And as you pedal away, remember that, in the end, it’s the simple joy of cycling that truly matters, not the wattage or the heart rate zones.
Seinfeld, Episode 76, “The Power of the ride”
INT. Coffee Shop Near a Cycling Trail – Morning
Jerry and George sit at a table by the window, nursing their post-ride lattes. They’re still sporting their cycling kits, a badge of honor for the early morning miles they’ve logged. The…
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