When Flandriens Attack, Part II: The New Course

Here at When [Insert] Attacks! headquarters, we have tried to franchise our product across the cycling landscape, but I have to tell you, it isn’t going well. From 2015 alone, we tried several different things:

When Neutral Support Vehicles Attack!

There was a second incident when another Shimano car rear-ended an FDJ vehicle and knocked over a rider who had pulled over for a wheel change. Nobody liked either of them and the series was canceled.

Then we debuted something you would think everyone would love: When Giant Inflatable Road Thingies Attack!

Nobody cared much for that. And I don’t even want to get into the much-derided When Handbags Attack And Ruin The Race! OK, more on that in a bit, but we will not be pursuing that either.

OK, back to human beings on bikes attacking to win the Ronde van Vlaanderen, which I am pretty sure is why you are here. Generally speaking, since the advent of the new course in 2012, the closing loops of the Oude Kwaremont and Paterberg have made a major impact on the race’s outcome. It’s like a prize fight where there’s a definable moment where a fighter wobbles to the mat, but before that there were a few combinations that set it all up, and take your pick as to which one you want to call “decisive.” That’s the closing duo of climbs. If the Kwaremont doesn’t get you then the Dad’s Berg will. To wit:

2022: Final duo (MvdP and Pogs) get away on Oude K

2021: Same (MvdP and Asgreen)

2020: oude K again

And so on… I will get into some details, but the first few years while Fabian Cancellara was still a factor, it was all about the final 1-2.

But are there alternatives? Sure, it’s bike racing, the less people think there is an alternative, the more alternatives there are. By 2015, it was time for an alternative. Let’s dive in.

The Chalk Attack

By “chalk” I mean the one that they drew up in the team meeting (I think? I’m not a master of hipster sports slang). Here are a couple examples: the Oude Kwaremont attack and the Paterberg attack. As trite as they may seem at times, in the moment they are still completely awesome. Here’s a street-level view of Alberto Bettiol improbably dropping the peloton on the Oude K in 2019:

And here is…